What’s your hunch about your death?
I had a few, and all were true, but I survived, by knowing it.
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What’s your hunch about your death?
It did not change how I felt about death, it only made me clear when it can happen. Instinct got more clear. And I want to protect others with that instinct one day when I ever can.
First was as a little child knowing I could have been kidnapped. We were followed by a man on drugs, and a neighbor saw it happening as that man had been in front of her window too. And he walked to me and my friends, and we were playing outside, I felt it, got my friends in my backyard, and he almost opened my backyard door, but I had fastly locked it. We had a lock thank God.
More of those things.
Then a death coming, my best friend shot to death. But I did not know what would happen only I could be in something bad and skipped a while meeting up those friends. And I was little, so, I told myself, I am now a child, I can now try this out, not when I am older, than all are mad, because only kids can be following feelings. So, I did it for me. To learn and see. I was sad, but soon she was shot to death. And those things never happen in our area. I also refused to watch TV the first moments when it was on the news. Then my other best friends told me I think you know her, you should call them all and see the news, so I watched and yes it was my best friend. (She turned out to be my Friesian cousin too)
But I was learning, and some more of those deaths happened quickly after hers. More young people and the first parents of all our friends.
Then a long time, I never had a hunch. Only some things that are too typical that all feel. Dangerous people going mad etc. Not the soon I will die in a strange situation, or something the same as before. I could have died so many days in my life. I knew that. And I never felt it was a hunch, it was more a logic.
So the next hunch, was last year. I was terrified of the Madurodam in den Hague. My cat was not allowed in, as there were already dogs. And I walked to the tram I always took to my grandma. My grandparents lived there for a long time. My grandpa was born there. From the other side I had come but around the forest. So, I already had been on the other side and felt a horror. I thought I was ill, like the flu, but I never had this with the flu. I never have fantasies much, or strange thoughts, so, I thought if I get weird flu. My cat refusing to go out. And perhaps I saw the killer a few times already. There were more unclear moments, with people looking like him. And strange things asking and strange was the whole day to that already too. Kids nervous, parents nervous. And we lived unsafe with terror up to 4 or 5. So, I was that day also keeping track of my research for my hypothesis: We can see criminals on the outside. But I wondered how. So, I knew kids can feel things, parents can not know why they cry and can get irritated, etc. I was describing that in the train already. And myself near the peace palace. And I kept getting hunches. I never feel looked at. So, I do know this can be for anyone, and just a person wanting to do anything to anyone, not just me. So, I was just alert on my bags. My cat kept being strange, not wanting for walks. She always wants. I walked around and all wrong. Finally, I got to Madurodam, I had a ticket.
Few people were freaky that route to Madurodam, so at first, I expected them to be the killer or someone they knew.
My cat was denied, I had this weird fear, I never feel that way anywhere, and just wondered what is this? There was a national day, so, I thought tension for terrorism.
Because this faith happened I had to walk to the tram, and couldn't find the nearby one, but only my grandma tram, to her old elderly home, from years ago, when she lived. I had to go through the forest. And saw some people. Had the weirdest instinct going on. Knowing so sure there was a killer.
Then a cute boy passed by finally, which was him. And he walked up to me first, and I noted that was weird, he would have to walk through grass from the path to path. So really towards me. He was cute, I felt like a hug, but knew that was strange. Who would do that to a stranger? I normally never. But he was so young and the fear was so huge, the instinct was so high. I thought oh please god if please no IS comes today. He would die, not understanding a thing.
I did sense to distract him, I did. I looked at two women behind me. Near a statue. And he looked at them. But I thought good then they keep him safe. More strange they already wanted to run or so. So, perhaps they saw a knife, I didn't. I saw another side of him. So, was it on the other hand? They behaved so weirdly, I wanted to run.
They suddenly left. He apparently crossed the road or so. And killed a woman. He said later on sought for two people.
I noted some things and kept that as my data on killers' faces.
But I learned so much more happens when killers are around.
I felt something was off, saw a strange jawline on his face, unnatural. That is all I found strange, and him at first walking up to me. I sensed leave this place, and walk as fast as you can, not running, but fastest walking.
I did. And had sore knees for weeks.
Scarier, I don't know by the way if he had walked nearby again.
I still knew nothing about a murderer, just all people acted strange, all of them. So at the tram,
I staid so near two strangers, men. I made sure I was as fast as I could in the tram. And knew there had been a killer somewhere nearby. But I took it as something I might never know. And it was so huge a feeling, I took it as the Utrecht tram shooters. I knew that since I worked and traveled in Utrecht by tram to work etc. It was my tram. Where in a corner we change to a bus. Exactly where he shot people.
So that was soon after, the killer I had seen. On the news, I recognized him right away. I had already sent in so many pictures of that forest. And just thought it was people nearby Madurodam. I took that part at first, not as the forest. So, skipped telling on him. But they know how he walked, and we had duty to tell, so I did. And of course, you tell on that.
So, I had these two big things at once. This a long time hunch, and this killer out of the blue, that killed more people the next day, or so.
I study weather and crime rate and it was that type of weather too.
But I now know hunches. All should learn it, to feel it. But never unethical. It is very important to heal the feelings you have in any sense.
I leave it all for what it is, I am, again, a bit lacking fantasies, etc. But it can get pretty exact enough to get out and learn to hunch.
I imagine some people are extremely good at this. I hope killers and all criminals learn to get their feelings straight and hunch never to do such, and all of us, how to solve crimes then. As they do things from belief things are wrong. And some because they are mentally not themselves, like the weather, and crime rates that then go up.
I had a few more of these hunches, as also our school teacher was murdered a year before. And her husband. But all that was nothing compared to that killer, and the trams. In the tram I was in, I, of course, thought back of the tram feel in Utrecht I already had for years. So, when that actually happened, I could puzzle out more feelings I always had had. I still can not save anyone. See, how many years it takes before such shooting takes place.
So, I focus on the outside and looks and hope to find the looks that we can learn to find the moment people could go bad, so we can stop them and help them solve what it is that made them want to do that.
So, hunches of death, no it is all like this, more moments it can happen, and not clear. But when things happen, I do get smarter in my hunches. It just still never brings me to save people, yet. I don't expect that ever. But try to be good at hunches, I saw how it can be there a long time and save my life.
I past him by and knew I could die. And that was the weirdest thing, I saw nothing on him.