Just some instinct…

This is just a story from my personal experiences, and my knowledge we all have a different sum in life and this is about me knowing I happen to be English, and from tribes around the world, and before I was English, I was mainly from Southern regions, and tribes, but I didn’t see at first in my DNA, I did not see at first all of who I am.

And I feel many people will have a story like this because DNA testing is not only about the total DNA, nor specifically about every person alive on earth and detailed how far every person of the almost 8 billion people are away from you, but kind of where everyone is from you, and where you are from overtime, and to find some of them as near family. DNA testing is also, about testing one person with your DNA, and see if that is a parent or nearby family member, and is also about finding all nearby family until the 5th cousins, and also about all before the 5th cousins. So, it is a way to know more about yourself, and if you like more details, to search more for more details.

My DNA results uploaded to DNA testing that goes back a long time ago on Gedmatch shows so much more. I still miss the 250.000 years before what Gedmatch shows me, I only know until 100.000 years ago where my DNA is from, thus who I am. So, it could explain the difference in feelings inside and the outcome of DNA, as I can feel more within my body, that is not shown with DNA yet, but what I know now is already lots of what I always knew, and experienced. I think the trick is to let the outcome match with your feelings, but not stop searching for the truth. To keep searching until it is kind of it, and then even stay open for more, as DNA testing is evolving.

The test also shows, in Gedmatch, the amount I am on every chromosome from every possible ancestor, group of people I belong to, they could find. That finding made for me the total idea of how all my ancestors DNA work together within me. The cute hypothesis I made some years ago, that could explain a hatred inside after for example rape, and after being mixed with families that didn’t like each other, could cause DSM, like schizophrenia, cause it could create a striving, or some kind of not easily connecting, where we could be “hearing” the disconnections within ourselves, and experience them as conversations, but a schizophrenia. A silent family would be a silence inside, no matter a strive, a family with many different, not fitting ends would create a disturbing inside, which we could perceive as schizophrenic noise. If so, a schizophrenic has it really hard, because the strive of voices is then within him or herself, but not easy to stop. And would be a translation to noise and voices, instead of coming out as a logic book about the DNA in your body, that now don’t fit together, to solve things. But that is just my hypothesis, after seeing typical things in some being named schizophrenic. And is not worked out yet. Some psychologists found that a great hypothesis, though.

I feel lucky, that all these families in my case, within me, did not strive at all, most of them not. They adapt easily into other people’s families, and other people easily into their families, and they are working together, also accepting everyone's unique being and the self, and with the logic all people must also be autonomous, and an authentic being is a work, and then an income, and a life, and all people will be developing, and having their own family to take care of. So they would say, couldn’t afford a strive, but do demand respect and give respect to each other.

And that gave exactly what I always felt and expected in my life, I was just a bit to light-colored on my skin I thought. I was born with the idea I would become a totally black one day. I don’t like that name, black, because all people with more darker color skin, also have many names for their colors, and does black represent that? But, to know what I mean, I’ll use the word used the word. At three, that still had not happened. I had green eyes, blond, red, pink hair and a bit “color”, like been in the sun, but nothing really a dark color. I had freckles. Around 10, though, I looked from Turkey, or India, or somewhere Asian, and a Native American, some would ask are you from Japan? My eyes now red, but people said blue and brown with red. It is indeed, now I know the different colors made in the sun, green, blue, brown, hazel, amber yellow and golden and red. But it depends. Someone in Fryslân told me, she was the first, and a cousin, I guess, and I knew my family has all these colors, so it could be why she knew, but all people always said different names to my eyes, till that moment, and I saw something red-brown, or so. It is wolves eyes and hazel, now I know. Seem Red-brown and then the light changes, they can change. That look, I might kept, but I change in the winter to a redhead, and in the summer I seem black and red. I love this human feel like this body is all new to us, and it is very old, and we just guess who they all were we got this body from. Like a jacket we always wear and it has been from many people, but now mine, and all new at the same time.

I could understand people that were still living in tribes, but I had that with them all, all the tribes. I could understand me living in all their homes, and stay forever. What would only happen, is sadness missing the other homes. I am at home in many places.

Then, I learned this family I am from, is a family that traveled, I learned that by keep working on my ancestor's tree. So, I saw all family members have family that moved to different places and assumed we would have mixed a lot more before, we fit in to well in all the other countries. I figured maybe it is just a friendly family. But it means they did live in more places, thus I can be from more places, then my DNA shows till 5th cousins, in the DNA test, I´ ve done.

I also, missed a bit the family line, as I did have my ancestors tree till year 0, but, not yet, for all members connected. I am still working on some connections in my tree, but know people beyond the missing people, connecting me to them, are family too.

I knew, a while, till year 0, kinda where I am from. And my grandparents made till 1600 very alive, by having the game telling all grandchildren, what all their grandparents have said. That is what most families did, they told me, but it was also the game who could the longest, who didn’t get to ill, and who had enough grandchildren, and did they all tell each other, and on time. So they kept telling me every day I saw them, have you asked everything you can imagine, everything you can think of, to me? They felt lucky our family survived and with many, thus the game was on, still. We were just a few grandkids compared to what their ancestors had, but enough to do the games with. We were taught to ask anything we could think of, as a game to make kids think, and they would tell all, and what they found, and their parents, and grandparents, and all their grandparents had said, when they were the grandkids, and also what their grandparents had said. And we had to tell all kids in the class to do the same game with their grandparents, so we would collect knowledge, together. It was so cute, I loved this game.

They always were a long time at our house, luckily weekly, or at least a few times a month, and they, then, were the bigger parents, doing the house and all the things they would do, if we lived at their homes, but nothing ruling out my mother, as they had the job teaching her to be in her own way the mom, that is how it was told to them, and what they felt as parents to do. So we had to ask mom if we wanted an apple or so, but all was cleaned up, we ate and storytime would come. All their brothers and sisters had such a habit, sitting down with all their kids, and grandkids and talk. We were lucky they told us a lot, and because these days there was wealth, thus we would get cookies, they only had on Sunday, as a child, and were lucky kids. Lots of kids in the Netherlands had not enough money at home for that, 100 years ago. My grandparent's families did help out with giving shoes to the poor, as they made them. And giving something for the poor that came every day at the door. They made lots of friends and helped each other out. In the war, grandpa’s family got flour from grandma’s family, if I am not mistaken, and he was a cousin of her friend, something like this, and lived on the other side of the country. So it means, many dutch were friends and helped each other out, and grandpa was already a friend of the family of grandma. They married after the second world war, when they were in their twenties, a bit late for their time. After the war, at first, they wrote a long time to each other, hundreds of letters if I am not mistaken, to see if this love would last, well it was the rule of the family. They first had to be friends.

Within this cute context of their love, we knew we were really lucky, their love was deep and real, and they danced, and sang, with us, and everyone, and together, and made music, they would say, all our friends do, and all their families, thus we knew hundreds were happy around them too. We knew the country was happy. The way they knew people, and that were lots, they were happy and helping poor. So, it also felt they could be happy. Good happy, and a lot of people, with a lot of talents happy too. They told us, the secret to this was, before the war, in between the world wars, and before both wars, people were happy, and children were happy, they both had a great childhood, like many people they knew. Bad parents were rare, abuse was already a long time not allowed. And, people had made that law, together, since 1800, and they did not feel the need to be hurtful. There was a logic of helping your parents, all did, thus no child would ask why. And they only asked simple things, like please get me something from the farm. Each child had a task and fitting to their age. They felt happy, to help their parents. Also, lots of people had lost a brother or sister, thus they felt the understanding of the must helping each other, and you might not live long enough to fight and to neglect, so they loved each other a lot and tried to be as sophisticated as they could, so all would be happy and live. Their own grandparents died in the back of the house, like in all the houses, every family lived that way. And they tried to give grandparents as much peace and love on their end as they could. They knew no other stories, this was the dutch life.

All of this made the story in the wartime, the ways dutch had to survive, where grandpa amused the Germans with his acting, first as slave, but he actually had always been a good actor, before the war, with real shows, thus was to good, and lots of the dutch there in the camp were at home in Holland in clubs of theatre, or at least knew how to act and sing and dance, thus it was really good a show, every time they had to perform as slaves. The Germans there didn’t want war, they were as old, youngsters, wanting home. But if the bombs in the slave camp weren’t made these slaves were put to death, so there was a slave feel, but also the theatre feel, and the being who they were, young, and these prisoners great at acting. Lots, or all, survived from that camp, I guess all who didn’t die from decease and hunger. They even saved some Russians, that freed them, and saved them all in the end. Grandpa and others fed them the food, like dutch sausages from home, that their parents had sent them. Themselves ate the few beans in the soup, they got. While English and Americans saved lots of people in Holland, and Europe and Dutch learn about them saving us, which I agree on, and add to, and the Russians, but we don’t know enough about. We should be taught more on that, as that is why my grandpa could walk back from Berlin, to a place around Then Hague. Lots of stories he published in his Diaries, which is in the museum now.

Our DNA was a good surprise, I am officially an English, 40%. I understand till 5th cousins that's what we mainly were, and perhaps my grandparents way more. And it's correct, the bach family was from England to Prussia for us. One old grandma is Irish though, and my DNA counts me as English, not Irish, but many of our family lives there, means I think, I simply don’t carry that enough anymore, and old grandma did. But, old grandma, my grandma’s mother, lived here a while too with her family, so could be why it was already to less to make me look Irish in DNA. Same for Scottish. Around 1400 doesn’t come around as a 5th cousin. 1700 shows 1% I read somewhere online, for this explanation. And my 1% middle east/African shows there, that's my very old grandma, and my last name, thus they were very middle eastern, I still carry her name. I love she was keeping that name, before DNA testing it was my only explanation to my changing colors, and my feelings inside of actually being to light, or so. Or the fun it is, that a child can be born with a different color in mind. It is cute I had this strange feeling, I shouldn’t be all white. And in some way, I was right because I did change a lot.

I lived with the Indians, my schoolwork was always about them. I lived with the native tribes, I kept dreaming of them. My heart was with the Africans, and middle eastern, I dreamt of them too. I thought am I adopted? Until 16 I kept a bit of hope. I came from a good environment with kids, around my house, were all inspired parents to let kids be kids, and let them just talk the “nonsense”, the dream was kept alive, and they thought one day she can travel and feel where she belongs. All around me were from lots of countries, they understood this, all children are this way, dreaming, not knowing all of the truth, yet. But we all were named white, all with brown colors of skin and hair too. So, it was also tough to know, what on earth we were.

It was not skipped, they just believed kids would grow-up, and then have the chance to be whoever they are. Friendly, cute, sweet with kids, and smart. Now we have DNA, then you had kids everywhere, boom generation had kids, and the ones with the kids weren’t the addicted one out of 5, in the ways we know now of what also happened with the boom, we never noticed, we were kept away from all that. And the ones with us, were scientific as far as the country ever brought that to the people, but they let us be who we are because they understood kids and growing up.

Lots of families had connections with families from other countries, and our family also searched outside the country to our roots. We ended, almost as far as the DNA tests to 5th cousins. But I kept the feeling of further away, and my ancestor's tree indeed showed that.

I moved to Fryslan, my dad is Frysian, and I lived with cousins there. That, just like English and all northern, they gave me the insight on traveling with boats around the world, that is what they did in history a lot, and being there, at that home, made me feel the being of a tribe or something like that. There are not many of us. And from there, I found the other “tribes” were too, family in my tree. It was fun to find out who we are. And made me wonder about the Indian/ Asian England routes, and American routes around the world. I came already far in some idea of me, after the 5th cousins.

Then, I traveled a bit to the real regions we know till my 1700 tree. I saw all colored, the way I am. And I wondered if they ever turn out like me all red and light in winter. Maybe they are always in the sun or have more sunlight all year than me in their countries, so maybe they don't know. Also, they are more near all the ancestors before 1700, and from more Asian, and African and American and Oceanie family. Thus, I found the changes in my skin, maybe I needed to be more in the sun, like them. I could understand this big picture, of me knowing all my family till the 5th cousins, and the family before them. All had the same history and routes, and I wondered about them, and how they met. They still marry each other a lot. They remain a big family around the world, and have coolest things, like been on boats in 1700 traveling to Australia, but also moved to the USA, a lot. Some, remained English. All these things made me wonder about our religions.

I found my name changes the letter a lot in my family tree, and it has a purpose. The A in my name means from the dark water. The E in America in the same name means from the bright sea, and so on. All the names show a family with reds, blacks, tribes, middle east, Asian, American, English, etc a mix of people, using the name, and could have been travelling by boat, as it also means God's Friend and something like a mermaid on the sea. The religion was anything. Later on, I found my grandma, being Jesus' relative, and a movie about Jesus been from all religions, that made more sense to me now. Maybe, all people simply traveled around the world, thus are mixed, and the religion is meant as the same. I just couldn’t make anything else of that.

I can not skip North and South, that is a project in a museum (Catharijneconvent, 2019), I saw, the red-haired in the North of Europe believed the same, as all in the South of Europe. All these pictures, and art of one belief around the world, where all locals lived with their local colors, and thus the figures have different appearances. Only Santa is really Santa, but the statue lived in Spain, thus dutch thought somehow he is from Spain, and actually he was a Turkish man. All the churches had saints and local saints.

I find people cute. I find what they create so cute. And then they create a red saint, cause that is all they could, as they were on one side of the world, being a Homo Sapiens too, but red. And then the belief comes through that, that all can be good, and be a saint. Skin doesn't matter, they just have a local Saint. It is not the skin color that decides that. Also, all the religion spread so easily through the world, they all did the same cute thing. I find people believing so sweet. An attempt to understand something so big, and already to be sure, to have to thank God, they are thanking Gods. Then their thinking of the idea to have to be one too, because that universe and life are so big. If God is looking, that must be cute a feeling, I think.

Also, genes will just win, I find that cute. We do change the genes with the input. When someone is going through trauma’s DNA changes, and forever you will be someone else, with this new change. So what did we change into, by simply believing, and creating no traumatic event, because we were busy doing sweet things, instead of traumatic events? The luck, or smartness of believing. And the cuteness of human never knowing if one really was the son of God, they can only try to understand and do what they ever can feel and think of, but some or one could be. It could be genetic. If we could trace back until the start we might all are from a God. If we could understand to name that in Luca, the first DNA, ever found on earth, in the sea.

Not even the outcome, has a must for me, but I find it so cute, people can trace back DNA and think of what we might be.

Then the talents we got from ancestors. The Homo Sapiens features, speech, art, able to handle more of the same kind.

And all of us, being from many countries, and then my DNA is actually all from where DNA could possibly be from. And that is from really the entire map. I can expect everyone has that, because I have it, or noted lots look like that, but there are also people with DNA that has been a while longer from one area that it seems like they are only from there. They exist, they might feel different than me. Also, there should be people with new DNA and have lost some of the past. And others, carry more changes with them, one out of 7 babies carries a change, and not all of them survive, because of the change. So there are different possibilities in experiencing life, while we all are “the same”, we look alike to much to be named different.

There were different types of human found in Spain, that have lived together, also Homo Sapiens lived with the Neanderthaler, and the Neanderthaler simply died out, because the Homo Sapiens genes were stronger, it was a change in DNA, and the Neanderthaler didn’t notice this, but every next child was a Homo Sapiens, because that Homo Sapiens DNA won every time during conception, since it´ s existence.

So, a peaceful end, and a new start, where the Sapiens had to study him and herself to find that out 350.000 years later. We lived this “new” way, and as one specie of Humans, that long. All alone, while before we were with different types. We found that out. There has not been one DNA test from all the DNA test centers we could find another species among us humans.

To find more details of your DNA, you could go to Gedmatch.

(Abcw, 2014) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JhT75JjomM

Instinct and Intuition

Instinct is what ancestors gave you, intuition what you now build up in the pineal gland, as finest thoughts, coming from your input. I do see why people put instinct with intuition, as within the pineal gland you know finest what the new thoughts do with the old, ancestors' genes.

Just things humans do, and not know why, but fit with their genes I am very interested in.

Just some sensing and then responses from the people that look the same, but secretly have a bit different DNA.

Interesting observations, to try. To see if you have things fitting some tribe, or some group of people, and some countries. If you can lose the heart there, now you know where your DNA is from, and because they are family. If you can see that you are family. Can you instinctively dance their dances, or understand them.

This pure is how people lived, taking in people in groups, and then noticing things different and the same. We can do with the people in our countries too, they were here some generations and a few always seem different, not only unique, as anyone is different, also just like someone from far away, in behavior, or in looks.

Or, some habits, like the entire line of the DNA, and none ever work like the big names in the family, but for themselves at home, typically.

I have seen lots of that, and I love that secret of DNA, or possibly the cause is DNA and the instinct, the logic of the body, and why some are talented.

Others can be the new talented, or because they simply could now collect so much fitting their mind, body, and soul, that they finally can be, because all Human beings can become someone, it can be seen as a talent. And others can be just lucky or feel gifted by the gods.

References

Abcw. (2014) Youtube channel. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JhT75JjomM

Catharijneconvent (2019)North and South. Netherlands: Utrecht. Retrieved from https://www.catharijneconvent.nl/tentoonstellingen/north-and-south/